A way of thinking to escape the hell of infidelity

I think everyone hears and sees stories like this around them. This issue is very difficult for women.

In my office life, my days inevitably revolve around work. When I first joined as a new female employee, I was still very motivated. There were fun chats with my female colleagues, going out for cake together, and visiting Italian restaurants, enjoying our time.

And usually, by the end of April or around May, new female employees start to catch the attention of male employees who are a few years their senior and begin to be invited out. It can be said that it is very rare for someone who has been with the company for a year and has not received any invitations.

As time goes by, two or three years pass. During that time, those who should settle down do so, and many get married either within the company or to people outside. After three years, when you look around, more than half of your peers are already married. Among the remaining half who are not married, half of them already have partners.

Even though you entered the company alongside your female peers as new employees, it may turn out that you are the only one in your department without a marriage partner.

From Ryuho Okawa's 'How to Grasp Happiness' open_in_new

Around this time, your impatience begins to set in. Yes, it’s probably around the time you are entering your fourth year after passing the three-year mark. When you start to notice that younger men are no longer fawning over you, it coincides with the time when your male boss starts to invite you.

For new female employees, it was difficult for bosses to invite them, but as they stop going out as much and have fewer friends to hang out with, they find themselves with free time. Then, they may be invited by a section chief who is ten or fifteen years their senior, or even a department head, saying, 'How about going out for a drink?' You might find yourself casually saying yes.

The other party is usually a man with considerable life experience, so he kindly listens to your worries and complaints. When dining, he takes you to nice places you haven't been to before. Moreover, since he has a wife and children, you might feel safe and comfortable relying on him. He comforts your anxious feelings.

The romantic games with younger men can be very hurtful, and you probably have experienced several setbacks by now. However, when treated kindly by a man in his mid-thirties or forties during such times, you feel touched.

And since he is a married man, you vow in your heart never to get too involved, but after a while, loneliness creeps in, and when he invites you, you find yourself going along, thinking he is a kind person who listens to your troubles.

As you observe him at work, he appears very reliable. Unlike the twenty-something men with low salaries and shabby appearances, he exudes stability and confidence. If you have a father complex, he may even remind you faintly of your father. With such nurturing qualities, being capable at work, and dependable, you gradually start to feel something close to affection for him, even though he is not your boyfriend.

As time goes on, after being shocked at a friend's wedding, you become reckless and find yourself deeply involved in the affair with your married boss.

Once you cross that line, it becomes easier to repeat it two or three times. You might think, 'No, I should stop this,' but as the encounters increase, it becomes harder to escape. You become like an insect caught in a net, unable to break free.

The other party whispers, as a common tactic, 'I am already discussing separation with my wife.' And you find yourself getting drawn in, continuing the deep relationship with that boss. This is a common story.

Despite knowing such stories well, the pitfall lies in thinking that you are different. The boss knows well and often says, 'You are different. Things really aren't going well with my wife.' You succumb to the feeling that you are special and get swept away. Behind this, your anxious feelings, loneliness, and desire for a man are also at play.

From Ryuho Okawa's 'How to Grasp Happiness' open_in_new

However, to conclude, this affair with your married boss will almost certainly not succeed, 99% of the time. There might be a one in a hundred chance, but in most cases, it will not succeed, and even if it does, you will likely not become a winner in life. The other party has a wife and children. A life that continues to cause suffering to such a person awaits you afterward. So please think carefully about whether you can truly live a happy life until you die.

You should decisively cut off those feelings somewhere and, although it is difficult for you to make a decision, I think it would be better to take the plunge into a new marriage with someone else, perhaps encouraged by your parents or friends.

That person may still be young and inexperienced in life, and compared to your boss, he may seem far less reliable. However, the sin lies with you, who has become infatuated with an older man, and that person's youth does not equate to unreliability.

That unreliable man will grow into a fine man in ten years. You must bet on that potential for growth. Men appreciate women who bet on their growth above all else. Especially young men who have not yet established their status or sufficient income feel grateful to women who believe in their future.

The gratitude you feel will be something that, even as you age and perhaps face a time when you do not look good, will remind your husband, 'I cannot forget the expectations you had for me back then.' This will help him refrain from infidelity with younger women.

Thus, having expectations for young men whose futures are still uncertain is a great virtue of women.

You must boldly part ways with your past. And you must embark on a new journey.

Life is always filled with new beginnings. Please believe my words and quickly leave the world of illusions. That path is not the way for you to find happiness.

From Ryuho Okawa's 'How to Grasp Happiness' open_in_new

The teachings introduced above are included in the following book.

From the popular radio program of Happy Science, 'Angel's Morning Call' open_in_new (national network + Hawaii KZOO), we introduce programs from past broadcasts that we want you to listen to now. (You can listen to it in audio.)

(1) 'The Pain of Love' open_in_new [Episode 1188]
(2) 'Everything is Vanity' open_in_new [Episode 1110]